Sorry I have not made a post for awhile!

I don't like putting this on the back burner but sometimes life just happens! I am still in my super hard class going for my doctorate-research designs and data analysis. Three more weeks and I will be out of that class on on to the next! I am still going gluten free, dairy free and sugar free but I am also trying to work on what got me to my weight problem. I wish I could be one of those people that simply can't remember where their unhealthy behaviors with food began. I can't say that though. I have always had what my mother and grandmother called a healthy appetite. My mother made me eat grapefruit every morning to teach me healthy eating patterns. God love her she did try! My grandmother used to line up supplements on the table beside my bowl of bran flakes with no sugar (gross by the way!) I can pinpoint down to the month and year my eating habits turned unhealthy. March 1983 in the middle of a snowstorm that had school called off for over a week. I remember it vividly, my mother asked me to walk down to the store to get some stuff. She gave me some money and I walked to the store (I was 13 and we lived in a really small town!) I got what was on the list and saw some grandmas soft chocolate chip cookies. I had to get them! I knew my mom would tell me that I shouldn't eat them and scold me for spending her money on them. I had some of my babysitting money with me so I used the money to buy the cookies. I started to walk home and planned how I would hide the cookies and eat them in secret. I hid the cookies in my coat and walked in the door. I gave mom the appropriate change and the stuff from the list. I walked into my room and hid the cookies in my nightstand. I ate the whole package of cookies in about an hour. So the cycle of eating in secret began. The behavior is something I still struggle with. I have thought about it and it is like my reasoning is that if nobody else sees me eating the "bad" food, the calories simply don't count! Of course I know they do but that seems to be my reasoning. I still struggle with that now. So, just because I am eating gluten free dairy free and sugar free doesn't mean that I am home free! There will need to be a lot of work done that doesn't involve food in order for me to make a lasting change. I promise I will try to post again soon!

Sorry I haven't been able to post for a few days!

I wanted to apologize for not posting for a few days! Things just got busy for a few days. I started a new class in my doctorate program that promises to kick my tail for the next 8 weeks-analysis of data. It is not as fun as it sounds. "That data looks great!" is not the analysis my professor is talking about. I have found out a few things over the last few days though. I made some chicken burgers with ground chicken but they were a little bland even though I seasoned them with lots of tasty seasonings. So I grabbed a bottle of Sriachha from the pantry and doused the heck out of the chicken burgers. My thought was how can anything that spicy have gluten in it? I eat a chicken burger doused is Sriachha sauce and about a half hour later my tummy aches like crazy. I look on the ingredient list and on the ingredient list it says "modified corn starch" which apparently is a form of gluten or something. I was a bit miffed (I am taming it down actually-I was downright MAD!) So that is the sucky thing I learned the past few days. The thing I learned that didn't suck was that I can have carrot cake! No, not the glorious carrot cake you are thinking of that is covered in a wonderful coat of cream cheese frosting but I will still take it! I shared with you the vegan mug cake the other day and so I made a few modifications to it like I added some pumpkin pie spice (for no other reason than spiced cakes all usually call for the same type of spices and that is what I grabbed first) and a handful of carrots. I started the microwave for 2 1/2 minutes and opened a can of coconut milk I had in the fridge and scooped out the thick part and added some stevia and cinnamon and then added it to the mug cake. It tasted SOOOOO good! You have to understand that I adore carrot cake! Much to the disdain of my friends I had a carrot cake for my 5th birthday party! This of course does not even come close to my Mom's carrot cake but hey I will take it! Well, that is the closest thing I have to a recipe today folks.

So tired....

I have no idea why I am so tired today! I slept just fine and actually got to bed sooner than I usually do! Oh well, I guess that happens some days. Well, some of you may have noticed that the picture I posted of Bitty Kitty was not of him sitting on my computer. I posted a picture from my phone because my laptop overheated (from Bitty Kitty laying on it) and so I spent MOST of the day yesterday getting my computer up and running again. Because I can't just kick Bitty Kitty off of a place he wants to lay down, I was forced to come up with an alternative. I put a heating pad on a chair and covered it with a towel and that is where he has been ever since! The heating pad shuts off automatically after 15 minutes to keep people from being burned so I set the heating pad on its lowest setting and he is quite happy with that!  Now since it has been a few days since I posted a recipe I will post one today-along with a picture of Bitty Kitty on his new spot! So, here is the recipe (from pinterest- of course!) Pinned from nourishnotpunish.tumbler.com

Mug Cake recipe
3 Tablespoons of Gluten Free flour
1 Teaspoon of Baking Powder
1 egg or egg replacement
A splash of almond milk as needed
1 teaspoon of vanilla
Sweetener of choice (I used Stevia)
Add in whatever you want and then put in mug (I used a soup bowl and it worked fine)
Microwave for 2 1/2 minutes and then (here is the step I forgot since it was CAKE!) let it cool down because it is HOT!!!!

And then here is a picture of Bitty Kitty

Today

Today the air conditioning is working so it is a good day as far as the temperature inside goes! Yesterday I went to church with my Mom and as she was backing out she hit a car. The damage looked like there was dirt on her back bumper and the guy's car had less damage than that! Still she was not happy about the whole thing! Today was not a whole lot better except for that my husband is upset at me. I had to make a credit card payment and it said I had $0 available credit. I looked on the transactions and my husband used the card 3 times since the last statement. I sent a text telling him not to use the card because there isn't any credit available and of course he got defensive. I understand- I am the same way! However, I am trying really hard to pay off the credit cards, or at least get the balances down! So, I am sure he is not happy with me right now. I have no idea why! I have not used that card at all! But, whenever someone says something about something like that you get defensive. Other than those things the only new thing is that my 15 year old cat Bitty Kitty has started to sleep on my computer. I am not talking about when I am not using it, I mean he literally is right by the computer laying either on the mouse pad and the mouse, or behind the computer. My guess is that he has started to have a lot of problems regulating his body temperature so he is keeping his body temperature up by laying by the computer. I am going to plug in his heating pad and see if that helps. I shudder to think of life without him demanding to have me move into a certain position in bed so that he can put both legs over my arm and snuggle down. In my mind, I know it is coming but I bottle fed Bitty Kitty every hour  as a kitten so to say it would be devastating to lose him is an understatement. He does not act sick so I think taking him to the vet would not do any good. I think all I can do right now is just do whatever I can to keep him healthy and comfortable. I am posting a picture of Bitty Kitty on my computer. I will post again tomorrow!

Air Conditioning Finally! Or at least better than it was before

Well, after three days and three different repairman from the same company the air in the house is down to 83 and the thermostat is set at 74. So, the air conditioning is not at the top of its game but at least it is better than before. Now the sucky news.... both the air conditioning unit and the heating unit will need to be replaced in the next week or so. The air conditioning unit is 25 years old and so is the furnace-both are on there last legs. My husband said replacing them would cost "5 or 6". I was relieved! I told him I was afraid it would be a couple thousand dollars! My husband then gave me a look like he envied my naivete. Then he spoke the words that made me panic quite a bit. "No Bev, 5 or 6 THOUSAND." I am having problems making the mortgage payments and the car payments! I think we have come to the conclusion that we will probably need to refinance the house. I don't want to but it is the only thing we can come up with to find $6,000. Unless anyone out there knows someone interested in selling one of my kidneys on the black market. I have been applying for jobs that I am not even remotely qualified for but I have not been hired for the jobs I AM qualified for, so my thought is that I might get a few interviews from the companies that want to see the person who is applying for jobs she has zero chance of obtaining. Don't get me wrong, I have education and a stable work history. The problem is that the work history is not in the same area as the education! That and I am not licensed in the state. It is a terrible dilemma and I have given up finding that "perfect fit" for a job and I am just shooting for the moon at this point. I don't have any recipes again but I have been thinking of this quote from Albert Einstein that reminds me of how I have handled trying to lose weight in the past. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This time I am throwing my old way of doing things straight out the window and it is a whole new ballgame this time!

Hot day today!

I am referring to the actual temperature of the day. The weather warmed up and we decided to turn on the air conditioning. The problem with that decision was that the air conditioner did not work. I called a local company out and they got it running but it was not cooling. This guy came out and spent more than three hours trying to fix it. It still will not cool. It is now 90 degrees in the house. I prefer to think of it as a free sauna! Seriously-it is scary how few clothes we are wearing right now! I am sweating non-stop and it is not a pretty sight! It is so hot that nobody (including me) has had the desire to eat all day. I did fix a flax seed wrap with turkey and I tried homemade pesto on it-I omitted the pine nuts and replaced them with some Braggs Nutritional Yeast. It was really good! The other upside is that I have been drinking a TON of water. I also managed to get almost the entire house cleaned. There is a downside to that as well, that means that I will be forced to clean out the pantry next week. I actually think that is a good thing because there are some things that I KNOW are in there but they are hiding! I do not weigh myself until Wednesday but I measure my waist every day. I have started to do that because it is very encouraging to see the tape measure getting smaller. It is literally doing that daily. The last time I weighed myself I have lost 4 pounds which is really discouraging but I know the gluten free dairy free sugar free thing is changing in inches-just not in weight-yet! Well it is seriously hot so I am going to leave you with a couple of pictures. I wanted to share a picture of my hubby and my oldest son Jaymz.

Last night

I made a casserole for my family last night and since it was not a gluten free casserole I made a quinoa burger with an egg in the middle. I put the quinoa burger into a bowl and sat down with my plate of the quinoa burger and cucumber slices and my husband asked if I was going to make the flax seed bread to put the quinoa burger on. I said "no, that is too much food". That was an epiphany in several regards. In one aspect, just me saying that phrase (and meaning it) gives me some power over my addiction to food. The second aspect is that it sounded JUST LIKE MY MOTHER! Which should be a compliment since she is going on 77 years old and looks probably 45. I think the biggest aspect is that I realize how food is affecting my body. If I eat too much, even if I eat too much healthy food, I do not feel good. This journey has allowed me to start listening to what my body is trying to tell me. My eating has become an activity that I am mindful about. I don't just pick something up and eat it now. I read labels and experiment with different recipes. I am swapping out healthier options throughout the entire kitchen. I think the best thing is that I can look at the oreo's the kids brought in and set on the counter and I don't have the overwhelming urge to eat the entire package and then go to the store so I can replace it. That is something I have done frequently and it scares me to admit that openly. To admit that food has that much control over me and that I still have that capacity to act in a manner that is so completely unhealthy. The picture I am going to post is of my mom. My mother is the most awesome mom there has ever been. She is my biggest cheerleader and my best friend. My dad was the most awesome dad too but I lost him almost 10 years ago to bladder cancer. I will post again tomorrow!